JEALOUSY

Have you ever been jealous about someone?

At times, yes, but it does no harm. When I see someone much better than me in terms of beauty, style, dressing sense, financial status, working smart, eloquence, etc, when they are appreciated constantly, I feel jealous.

It does no harm??What is jealous?

Jealous is a negative feeling that we create, when another person has achieved/got what we wanted but we have not. The thoughts behind jealousness are:

      ·       I tried so hard several times, yet I did not get/ achieve. What will my family and friends think about me?

      ·       I deserved it yet I did not get it.

      ·       How can the other person achieve it so easily? I worked more hard. I am more experienced and elder to him/ her, how can he/ she grow?

      ·       I am a failure; maybe I don’t deserve anything good in life.
      .   I am and will be a sad person, I will be neglected by all.

      ·       I am the odd man out, no one will like me.

Why do you feel jealous?

I feel jealous as I have not got what I wanted.

Is it that?

No, it is because another person has got what you wanted.

Example:

                Say, you have a kid and there is a fancy dress competition. If none of the participants have been shortlisted, you are fine, but if your kid has not been shortlisted and her friends have been, then we feel jealous and start finding fault either with the kids or with the evaluation system.

Why do we feel so? Can’t we be happy for others and be inspired from their performances?

Say, you are an IT professional, when do you get jealous about someone?

When

         ·       My friend/ colleague keeps growing up the ladder and I remain in the same designation.

         ·       My friends/ colleagues are appreciated constantly and I am not.

         ·       I know clearly that I have more knowledge and work harder than others, yet I don’t get promoted when others are growing.

Say you are a student, when do you get jealous about someone?

When

        ·       I don’t score high marks or top the ranking list, in spite of doing my best constantly and others top the list easily.

        ·       My friend is appreciated in front of me and I am not.

OK, So irrespective of age, we feel jealous when another person has achieved something what we wanted and we did not.

What do you do when you are jealous about some person?

I really don’t want to, but I tend to

     1.    I try to copy that person’s behavior so that I can also achieve it.

     2.    Hate the person.

     3.    Criticize him/ her.

     4.    Spread wrong information about the person to others.

     5.    Try to pull him/ her down by unethical means.

     6.    Cause harm to that person.

Very true. This is what jealousy does to any person. From the age of five (1st standard), we have been taught in school and by parents, never to be jealous of anyone; but, do we follow it life long? Jealousy is a toxin, which will first ruin us to the core and will also cause harm to others. It will completely demoralize the person who is jealous and will fill him/ her with negativity. Can such a person with negative feelings grow in life????

Comparison leads to jealousy. When we get jealous about someone, we forget all our strengths and skills. We try to imitate the other person in order to achieve, but can anyone be successful in trying to become like another? No, it is impossible. So, we get more disappointed and lose the strength we need to achieve our goals. 

Then what can I do? I am a person who has worked extremely hard in my career. I have sacrificed a lot to achieve my goals. I am totally committed to my job. I share all my knowledge with my colleagues and make them fit for the job. Yet I remain in the same post and all my colleagues are promoted with distinction. Will I not feel bad?? This makes me to restrict myself from sharing knowledge and feel jealous.

          I understand your position. It is difficult to face such situations where one is not acknowledged for his hard work and sincerity. But, we should also try to analyze our actions. When we teach someone, we need to teach with an attitude which is absolutely good for the other person (selflessness), with nil (zero) expectation. If we do not grow, then we need to analyze and understand our weaknesses and work on it. The more knowledge we share with others, the more we grow.  Becoming jealous of others will only de-motivate us and pull us further down.

No, I have seen such people growing very fast. People who spread wrong information and people who play politics are the most successful ones in career these days.

          Such people may seem to grow, may earn more money, may get appreciation and attention, but all these will be short-lived. Anything achieved with a bad intention will not last long. They may seem to be very happy and rich but, they will be filled with fear and insecurity. Their thoughts and actions create a bad karma and they will have to face it’s consequences in future.

OK, now, say, I am in a very good position at my work place, I am a manager. Similarly there are many managers in other teams. Since I am skilled in people management and have good technical knowledge, I have cordial relationships with my seniors. There are a few, whom I know, are jealous about me. Next quarter is the time for promotion and I see them doing a lot of activities against me. How do I set them right in the right way?

          When we get to know that people are jealous about us, we need to understand them first. A person who is jealous is always

     1.    Filled with fear

     2.    Feels very low, has low self esteem, highly insecure.

     3.    Feels that he has failed and no one recognizes him.

     4.    Feels that he is not fit for the position.

     5.    Deep pain.

Now just for a moment, forget all that he has done against you and just try to empathize him. When a person is in such a pain and feels very low, is it not natural to have sympathy and help him? Yes, we need to be supportive towards him. I know it is not easy to help someone who tries to harm us. But when we truly understand the pain behind their actions, we can empathize and try to support them. If we cannot help them physically, we, at least, need to think good for them. Any person who is jealous, is actually in great pain. So it is inhuman to do bad for a person who is already in huge pain. We are in a much better position when compared to him, since we have achieved what we wanted. So, the only way to set the situation right is by keeping calm within, wishing good for that person and try to help him slowly in getting rid of his fear and pain. 

This seems impractical. When I can clearly see that he is spreading a false opinion about me to the entire team and to my seniors and trying to put me in trouble, it is natural for me to hurt him back. If everyone believes him, then what will others think about me? People will get a wrong opinion about me and this in-turn will retard my growth.

            Yes, it is true. But by hurting him back, will it prove us right? No way. By hurting a person who is already in pain (unstable), we will provoke him to be more and more negative towards us. This is the main cause for many thefts, murders, rapes and kidnaps in this world.

           It is during such times that we need to be strong within. When we hear wrong information about us, we just need to check; are the statements true? If yes, correct ourselves. If no, just ignore it. When we are on the right track, we need not prove ourselves to the world. 

“The truth need not be proved; truth has the power of revealing itself to the world.”

We need to remain patient and keep doing our best, unaffected by any of such negative acts. Never withdraw from the situation by quitting the company or changing the team, as this will not solve the problem.

But by staying quiet also does not prove me right. I need to tell my seniors about his acts and prove him wrong; else my image will be damaged and will affect my job too.

          Again by proving the other as wrong, does not mean we are right. When we try to react towards an unstable person, the situation will only worsen. We may be provoked to behave unprofessionally, thereby, we also become unstable. An unstable mind will always think negative and will result in loss and pain. When others are unstable, let us at least be stable, for our own benefit.

Now say, my husband’s business suddenly went on a big loss and we are able to just manage day today expenses. We try hard to bring back our business but in vain. My in laws and family are very rich.  When we see our relatives having fun, travelling round the world for vocation, buying cars and bungalows, we slowly get jealous. Though we are in the same family, why are we in this poor financial state? We were very friendly and affectionate before but now, this jealous feeling has created a lot of negative feelings towards them like, “they are selfish, we mean nothing to them, how hard-hearted they are, why did I ever get married in such a family? No one respects us, etc”. Is this not natural?

          I understand that you are undergoing challenges in life. During such times, we only need to focus on what is to be done to improve the situation. Never ever compare with others in any way. All of us are truly blessed. Comparison leads to a lot of mental and emotional stress, thereby weaken us. Are two people the same in all aspects? Can two people think the same way at all times? Definitely no. Similarly, we all face different joys and challenges during our journey of life. These struggles need to be faced with positivism, courage and sincere effort with a strong faith in GOD. The duration of the challenges may be long but our efforts, courage and faith should be stronger and consistent. Instead, if we develop jealousness, we are only weakening ourselves and our relationships. Can such a weak soul prosper in life?

I have heard people resorting to black magic and other means of causing harm. These are very strong negative energies that can really harm us. What can we do to stop this?

          We can protect ourselves by completely believing that GOD is with us always. There is no power greater than HIM. With strong faith in GOD and with the complete understanding that the person/ people resorting to such acts are actually in some deep pain, send good wishes for those people from the bottom of our heart. This is the only way we can protect ourselves and also change others positively. If we too resort to black magic like them, we are first creating a very very bad karma which will find its way back to us again in future and the situation will worsen instead of getting resolved.

"Maturity is when someone hurts us and we truly understand their pain and help them in regaining their strength."

There is also a high tendency of feeling jealous when we compete with each other. In competitions, the aim of every participant is to win the prize. Hence one needs to work on the self, learn from others and keep improving. But if one begins to feel jealous about another, there ends his competition. To know more on winning in competitions please read the below link:
http://life-is-not-a-competition.blogspot.com/

Hence instead of comparing and being jealous, learn from others, count your blessings, use your strengths, work on your weaknesses and be happy for others. When we are a victim of jealousness, just maintain inner stability and wish good for them from the bottom of your heart. 

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References:

https://youtu.be/a0MrCbQr-G0

https://youtu.be/WPMlYSnIk8Q

https://youtu.be/9JtIOVA4vaQ

https://youtu.be/-rhBE0DOBQ4

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